Blog

By Rachel Protzel 
TI member, Board Trustee, wife of Max Protzel, mom of Eli and Ayla who attend Temple Israel Religious School

I had a typical Jewish childhood raised by two Jewish parents. I reluctantly went to Sunday and Hebrew school and had my bat mitzvah at 13 just like all the other Jewish kids, but I never felt really connected to Judaism. I remember arguing with my parents about having to go to Sunday school and questioning whether there was a God. As I grew older, I felt more spiritual, but much to my mother’s chagrin, I didn’t really feel Jewish. Then in my freshman year of college, I went on the very first Birthright trip to Israel and loved every minute of it. It really opened my eyes and I felt that connection for the first time. Much to everyone’s surprise including my own, I came back home thinking I wanted to be a rabbi. My family laughed and called me a “born again Jew.” However, I started taking classes necessary for that path, and found myself completely bored. My enthusiasm for it faded just as quickly as it had come.

It wasn’t until later in life, after overcoming difficult struggles with infertility, that I really felt reconnected. Having our two amazing children sealed my faith in God. Since then, I have made it my routine to thank God for his many blessings every morning when I first wake up and every night just before I sleep. I make a point to tell each of my children that they are a gift from God. Despite this faith though, I still didn’t feel strongly connected to Judaism or a temple. We came to TI because we needed a preschool that had a flexible schedule and would accept my son before he was potty-trained. TI fit the bill. It was a bonus that it was close to my in-laws’ house so it was convenient for my mother-in-law to pick him up, but that was it. There was really nothing Jewish about why we came to TI. Why we stayed is another story.

When I came to tour the preschool, I happened to meet Rabbi Amy in the hallway. She had Molly in an infant carrier, and having never been to TI before, I had no idea she was the rabbi and figured she was just another one of the moms. But even in this brief first meeting, I felt I could relate to her, that we could be friends. The school seemed nice enough, so we enrolled Eli and eventually started attending occasional Tot Shabbats and other family events for the sake of child enrichment. It was then that we learned of TI’s incredible community of families. We connected with the people there though not the Temple necessarily. Coming from a more conservative background, the TI services didn’t really resonate with us initially. It seemed like too much was in English and all the seemingly folksy, upbeat songs felt unfamiliar. But the longer we stayed, the more comfortable it became. In fact, the music eventually became my favorite thing about the services and I actually came to really appreciate that so much was in English because I could finally understand what I was saying, which made the prayers more meaningful. It was nice to be part of a community where I felt comfortable and to have that new social camaraderie as a parent, but there still wasn’t a truly religious connection.

Years later, a crisis erupted in my personal life and everything changed for me. It felt like my world was crumbling and I was in a constant state of distress. One night, I brought the kids to a Tot Shabbat and my daughter wanted to stay with her friends in babysitting, so I spontaneously decided to stay for the adult service. I don’t know what it was about that service, but it was the first time in ages that I felt calm. I’m not sure I was even paying any attention to the service itself, but I felt a sense of relief. From then on, I started coming to Friday night services weekly just for some “me time.” Often, I would just sit there and zone out, but it was relaxing and when it was over, I felt better. It seemed like the only time of the week when I could escape all the madness in my life, focus on myself and feel centered again. Over time, I found myself saying the prayers and that brought me additional comfort. It was like no matter how much everything else was constantly changing, these prayers always stayed the same and I craved that consistency. Most of all, I loved the sermons because I could always find something in them that related to my life. Never before had I felt any connection to Judaism. The Torah was just a bunch of stories that had nothing to do with me, but Rabbi Amy and Rabbi Michael’s sermons taught me just how relevant it can be. For the first time in my life, Judaism seemed interesting, approachable, and valuable.

I was embarrassed by how little I knew about Torah and Judaism. I can’t remember much from my childhood Jewish education or perhaps I just didn’t pay attention because I didn’t care at the time, but now I wanted to strengthen my knowledge and deepen my connection. So, I started to lean in a little more and take some of the adult classes offered at the Temple. In those classes I found answers, and sometimes more questions, but I grew more into my Jewish identity. Since then, my involvement in the Temple has just continued to expand. I developed true friendships and began to feel at home at TI. Last year, I was asked to participate in the “Leading with a Jewish Heart” program and thought it sounded like a nice opportunity to meet more people and learn more about the Temple. I had a great experience and came away feeling like I could contribute to the Temple community. So, when I was asked to join the board, it just seemed like the next logical step.

Like for so many others, this last year has been exceptionally difficult for me and my family. It brought challenges like I’ve never known and tested us in so many new, frightening ways to the point that I questioned if and how we would even survive it. Pulling through these crises has only strengthened my faith in God and connection to Judaism. For me, the live-streamed Shabbat services became a little oasis of relief and familiarity in an otherwise scary, stressful world. I’ve come to depend on them for my weekly fix of calm and comfort. Despite having endured so much recently, I still feel incredibly blessed on so many levels. My husband has always said, “God’s got my back!” and we feel that way now more than ever. Not only does God have our backs, but our TI community does as well. Through it all, our TI family has been there for us and has shown us an outpouring of love and support. I look forward to giving back to this amazing community that has already given me so much.